Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A big shout out to all those people who wrote the answers in our textbooks, when we were in school.

   Grandma complained that no one ever calls, so I put a “How’s My Driving?” bumper sticker on her car…The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.

   To reduce the chance of being audited during tax season, I always send my return tucked into a freshly baked loaf of banana bread.

   Tax day is just a few days away so get out there and check those dumpster and trash cans for receipts.

   I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.

   Popularity allows you to live with others, but integrity lets you live with yourself.

   Unicorns are real -- They're just fat, grey and we call them Rhinos.

   The Hardy Boys tackle their toughest mystery yet in, "F*cking Run, The Sun Exploded!"

   In honor of national siblings day... I wish I would have grown up with money instead of siblings. :)

   One does not simply talk to their pet in a normal voice....no they don't, oh no they don't.

   Actor Wendell Pierce announced he is investing in a $20 million Baltimore apartment complex that will offer homes to artists at a discounted rate. Why is this news if Kanye West and/or the Kardashians aren't involved in some way?

   In honor of National Siblings Day, go kick your siblings in the genitals. You too can be the $10,000 winner on America's Funniest Home Videos.

   Bring back stoner dude

   How is it there is a D in fridge but not in refrigerator

   I downloaded the TED CRUZ 2016 APP, but all I got was reruns of the MUNSTERS

   Happy Birthday to Hugh Hefner. He turned 90 years old yesterday. His friends threw him a big party. They had a naked woman jump out of a giant bran muffin.

   I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, interrupt MY day and then give me the "why aren't you wearing pants" look.

   Being a baby would be fun. I mean aside from not being able to lift the weight of your own head. But the eating every 1-2 hours..THAT seems like fun.

   I wonder what people who type “u” instead of “you” do with all their free time.

   I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn't have done this to me."