Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Perhaps it's about time to ask Bernie Sanders what American life was really like back in 1776.

   Folks, if your feet look like you've been playing soccer with a pineapple, do not wear flip-flops out in public.

   Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert

   I can't wait till St.Patricks Day....!!! The one day a year I can eat lucky charms dowsed in green beer for breakfast and my wife can't say crap.....

   It started out innocent enough. - Whiskey

   So don't come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don't come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?

   "PROVE IT!!" I yell from the back of the church.

   I'm so old...I remember when vodka only came in vodka flavor!

   Fuller House is a wonderful show, let's hope Netflix comes out with another one called Married With Grandchildren.

   Cinnamon flavored whiskey...is that what the junior high girls are drinking these days?

   There's always a guy in all coffee shops sitting at a table, not on his iPhone, not on a laptop, not even on an iPad, he's just drinking coffee, like a psychopathic murderer. Don't forget to say "Hi" y'all!!!

   Don't forget this one thing folks, tonight the Moon will be visible from Earth. The last time this happened was last night.

   Pro Tip: You're not truly a parent until you've given your child the middle finger behind their back while mouthing, "F*ck you!"

   Just read that serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer's house is for sale and no one is interested. I get it though, no one wants to live in Ohio.

   As I admired my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I'm going to get kicked out of this Home Depot any minute now."

   It's Thursday and I don't need any inspirational messages to start my day, just spike my coffee and shut the f*ck up.

   If you "like" this status, someone you hate will step on a lego.

   So true the Republicans waited until the black guy dropped out the Presidential race before they started comparing genital sizes...

   Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

   Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.