Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you can read, then this status doesn't apply to you.

   Men are the best cooks. Because with two eggs, one sausage and a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.

   I live every day like it's my first. There's a lot of crying and sleeping involved.

   I didn't mean to get drunk, it just seems to happen when I drink.

   and with a flick of my lighter, the dishes are done.

   ~ Proud to be the winner of the sperm race ~

   I think American Idol could make it a little more interesting by adding a trap door.

   in the future wedding vows will include "Do you take this person as your married to status link on Facebook?"

   storming the Castle Anthrax all alone and doesn't want any back up!

   watched numerous horror movies without so much as a flinch, but I just crapped a brick when the toast popped up out of the toaster.

   If its any consolation, I didn't get lucky last night either.

   wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.

   I went fishing for bottom feeders yesterday, and caught a R0unders!

   Ever have one of those days at work no matter who talks to you they sound the teacher from The Peanuts cartoons?

   Why am I still single? Because humans are not monogamous by nature.

   Im like cocaine: I'm white, highly addictive and ladies usually leave the bathroom with me on their face..

   remembers the last thing a wise man said to me was "Help! I'm drowning!" I never knew what he meant by that tho... he was so wise.

   Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.

   Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.

   Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?