Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it'll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I'll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I'm selling potatoes

   My wife texted me that she was not wearing any underwear. When I got home she was mad at me because I hadn't done the laundry in two weeks.

   "As you get closer to the primary's reality has a way of intruding!" President Obama.

   We must take this country BACK to make it great again. Mill jobs for children! Full-body wool swimsuits for women! Tuberculosis for all!

   I don't take selfies too frequently because I'm not a baby dolphin killer

   I never want to go bungie jumping. Broken rubber brought me into this world, and I don't want to give it a chance to take me out.

   As is evidenced by the primaries, Americans are either dumb or dumber

   You don't know what you have until it's gone. For example, toilet paper.

   Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my cat's paw and she pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

   Crowds hated it but the best weapon for fighting a lion in the gladiator ring was a spray bottle and a firm "NO."

   If I can hear you chew, just thought you should know that I have fantasized about your death.

   Not too impressed with this years selection of Presidential nominees so I've decided to vote for one of the Mario Brothers, haven't decided which one, .... But I figure either of them are just as qualified, if not more, to fix things as the nominees.

   I'm an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

   I'm starting to think this is the last season of America and the writers are going insanely nuts.

   If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are drowning and you can save just one, what kind of cupcakes are you baking?

   There are so many dogs on the internet that we forget about newborn alpacas....

   When you say, "Friends With Benefits"....I assume you own a liquor store.

   Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.

   The most useless place to be is in someone's prayers.

   Lets call SELFIES what they really are; ALONIES