Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it's like the trash took itself out.

   If Facebook has taught us anything, it's that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.

   Don't be ashamed of who are you. That's your parents job.

   People say Cookie Monster sets a bad example and contributes to childhood obesity. Cookie Monster says people need to stop using cookie loving puppet as excuse for bad parenting.

   You can't always control who walks into your life, but you can always control which window you throw them out of.

   According to Bernie, no one working a 40 week should live in poverty. According to those who built America, no one living in poverty should just work 40 hours a week!

   If someone invites you to their immaculate, tidy home and says "sorry about the mess", run. They have killed before and they will kill again.

   Friendship is so weird, you just pick a human you've met and you're like "Yep I like this one" and you just do stuff with them.

   Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.

   ..... Of course I talk to myself ... heck .... Sometimes I need expert advice!!!

   If y'all hate the Republican candidates so much ...... why don't you find some better candidates?

   When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment .... NOW I consider it a mini vacation.

   Asking how my day at work went is like asking how a drive-by shooting went....I'm just happy I got out alive!

   That moment when you realize you might have made a mistake letting your 5 year old watch The Walking Dead....

   I'm not a morning person, heck I'm not an afternoon person either, I pretty much start fuctioning at about 6 pm.

   Oh hi Becky, who refused to kiss me during Spin The Bottle in 6th grade & now wants to play Candy Crush, looks like the tables have turned.

   I don't know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.

   People who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they can't even finish the joke because they're laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people.

   Fact: The universe is made up of protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

   I could be wrong but I think Kanye West is on the verge of having a Britney 2007 meltdown.