Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.... There's Circular pizzas, square pizzas, thin/thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings...... All beautiful really
←Rate | 11-25-2015 18:01 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's kinda hard to believe in just 2 days,, I'll be stabbing housewives for a discounted Dyson vacuum.
←Rate | 11-25-2015 18:22 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you a hood rat when you can't participate in Black Friday because yo government check ain't in until Monday. .
←Rate | 11-25-2015 19:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently, the biatch at my wife's job was being such a biatch today because something, something,,,, we hate her.
←Rate | 11-25-2015 19:19 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon If God wanted me to be a Vegan, he wouldn't have made chickens so damn delicious!
←Rate | 11-25-2015 19:36 by @therealtimmyt Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a shame if girls think Victoria's Secret models are every guys' dream. We're not in the fifth grade anymore. Go ahead and eat that last chicken wing, babygirl. You're gorgeous.
←Rate | 11-25-2015 20:23 Comments (2)  

   messageicon The Superfriends hang out in the Hall of Justice, but has any villain ever actually been brought to justice there? Any indictment?Arraignment? Jury selection? Trail? How about for child support, alimony, probate, speeding ticket, overdue library book?
←Rate | 11-25-2015 21:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon FOR THE LAST TIME, MY EYES ARE UP HERE !!!........... I yelled at my gynecologist
←Rate | 11-26-2015 07:20 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon *Airplane PA.... "Arrr, this be yer cap'n speaking"... *covers microphone... [muffled] "Dangit Roger,, you have it set on autopirate again"
←Rate | 11-26-2015 07:24 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me."...*shakes tambourine ... "Got any others?"... *shakes tambourine... "Hmmm,,, Sounds a lot like the last one"
←Rate | 11-26-2015 08:30 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse?... How about now?,,, Better... or worse?
←Rate | 11-26-2015 08:32 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Consumerism has a religious day called Black Friday.
←Rate | 11-26-2015 09:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A word from our sponsors. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Because it's Thanksgiving and gobble, gobble. . .
←Rate | 11-26-2015 10:21 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would say Happy Thanksgiving but no one cares cuz they're hungover
←Rate | 11-26-2015 10:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet Payton Mannings family is going to have a hard time eating today. Every time someone asks him to pass the turkey, it's going to get intercepted
←Rate | 11-26-2015 11:25 by Mike Youngman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Black Friday Separating Americans from money they don't really have since 1966.
←Rate | 11-26-2015 12:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know what it is But it's on sale!
←Rate | 11-26-2015 12:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't forget to have a thought and a prayer for the poors when you buy your useless stuff this weekend
←Rate | 11-26-2015 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Adulthood is just another word for 'liver damage'.
←Rate | 11-26-2015 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Pilgrims were refugees and the Native Americans took them in, fed them and helped them, don't ever forget
←Rate | 11-26-2015 12:56 Comments (3)  

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