Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 5132 of 5480

   messageicon Life's a piano and I'm wearing boxing gloves
←Rate | 12-08-2015 14:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been asked to join the Mossad, they offer great pay and a chance to travel, but I have to get a "procedure" done first.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 16:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon JIMMY CARTER KIM: finally someone who President Carter is more embarrassed about being associated with than his goofy looking brother Billy.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 17:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When someone I don't like texts me, I send their text back. I don't want that sh*t.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 19:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I don't respond to your 1st text, it's not an invitation to text me again... With your basic ass
←Rate | 12-08-2015 19:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a girl likes you, everything you tweet has the potential to piss her off.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 19:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Screenshot me, I dare you. I'll climb through your window and smash your phone so quick.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 20:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a million fish in the sea,,, but I haven't lowered my standards just yet to date fish.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 20:55 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chipotle diet plan... Eat a 1300 calorie burrito... get E.Coli... crap and puke out 1600 calories!
←Rate | 12-08-2015 22:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If action movies have taught me anything, its that when you defeat your enemy, don’t leave them half dead as they are guaranteed to rise again and strike you when you least expect it. Instead totally obliterate them into oblivion like they never even ex
←Rate | 12-08-2015 23:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I feel terrible today. Let me go find a man to blame." - WOMEN
←Rate | 12-09-2015 00:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
←Rate | 12-09-2015 03:08 by smeebert Comments (0)  

   messageicon Depression is like being told happiness is right around the corner but you live in a circle
←Rate | 12-09-2015 07:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men look at b00bs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 07:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm surprised that cartons of Soy Milk don't have pictures of missing vegan children on the back.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 07:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the 1st place?
←Rate | 12-09-2015 07:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 11:45 by Brodieking Comments (0)  

   messageicon 'Saint West' sounds like the name of the Patron Saint of big butts & narcissistic rappers.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 13:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hip-hop sounds like my grandpa named it.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 13:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My son just saw Willie Nelson on TV and called him Santa... Hmmm I guess we need to watch more Christmas movies.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 13:57 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left