Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Facebook needs a special button for those who are sick of cartoonists making fun of short T-Rex arms.

   You may have been drunk before, but you haven't been lightsaber fighting in the street at 2 am drunk.

   Do you ever hear a song on your car radio and think "I better not die listening to this song"?

   I work hard so my dog can have a better life.

   A blue whale's fart bubbles are large enough to enclose a horse. Yeah...think about that for a moment.

   "Earth" without "Art" is just "Eh".

   I want dogs to be allowed at more places and I want children under 8 to not be.

   Girl Guides selling cookies: America's most successful crack dealers.

   Hipsters is what happens when you tell every child they're special.

   Remember when you were 12 and were like "I can't wait to be older" and now you're older and your like "I hate my life, I want to cry everyday." LOL. Good times.

   Restrooms in the future: 1. Men 2. Women 3. Selfies

   Cute but Psycho: That is a funny way to spell "woman".

   Superbowl Party Eating Tip: Your pants won't get too tight if you don't wear any.

   Yesterday I really wanted a burrito. Today I am eating a burrito. Follow your f*cking dreams.

   Always be yourself. Except during job interviews, the first few months of a relationship, or any type of social interaction.

   If someone ever tells you that you're putting too much peanut butter on your bread, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

   A good business idea: Open a Pho restaurant that never closes, calling it Twenty Pho Seven.

   "Don't be shy, send that 12th unanswered text." --Tequila

   how can Ted Cruz be elected to a job as a law maker when he can't read & understand the law ghat says you have to be born in the US to become President?

   Love me like Oprah loves bread!