Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon In mother Russia, Turkey shoots you for Thanksgiving
←Rate | 11-24-2015 12:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not only is there no god, but try getting a plumber on weekends. — Woody Allen
←Rate | 11-24-2015 13:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Out on the highway, getting passed by a Prius is the football equivalent of getting tackled by the kicker.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 14:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon pɹɐʍʞɐ sᴉ sᴉɥ┴
←Rate | 11-24-2015 14:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate the word friendzone! "Especially when I'm out with a woman who tells me that she loves me like a brother!......Unless she's from Alabama or West Kentucky of course.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 15:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 15:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If money was grown on trees, women would be dating monkeys
←Rate | 11-24-2015 15:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man climbed into a bus and the driver asked"where are you going to" the man replied "to the back seat"
←Rate | 11-24-2015 15:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My shower breakdown: 60% getting the water temp right,, 39% coming up with awesome responses to fights with my wife,,, 1% showering
←Rate | 11-24-2015 17:29 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 18:28 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon On another note, some of the single Syrian women aren't bad looking ;)
←Rate | 11-24-2015 20:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING
←Rate | 11-25-2015 00:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Will World War III begin before or after Christmas? Because I don't want to buy presents for nothing.
←Rate | 11-25-2015 11:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gray Matter Matters
←Rate | 11-25-2015 13:46 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people should keep their Quran and their bibles like they keep their genitals: to themselves.
←Rate | 11-25-2015 13:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For Thanksgiving, I'm going to a sheep and goat buffet. It's All You Can Bleat.
←Rate | 11-25-2015 14:24 by Al Coholic Comments (0)  

   messageicon Enough with all the religious posts. You're just fighting over who has the better imaginary friend.
←Rate | 11-25-2015 15:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Always be yourself. Unless you can be Bat Cat... Always be Bat Cat.
←Rate | 11-25-2015 15:49 Comments (0)  

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