Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   waiting for Charlie Sheen to start jumping on the chair/couch and start going nuts like Tom Cruise did on Oprah!!!!!!

   GOING TO WIN THE 50 MILLION ON LOTTO-MAX.... AND I'm GONNA BUY FACEBOOK. THEN RETURNING IT BACK TO THE WAY IT USE TO BE..... FUN AND LESS CONFUSING AND ALLOWING ITS USERS TO CUSTOMIZE IT THE WAY THEY WANT IT!!!!!

   Somewhere out there, someone's grandma's recipe for dill bread reads "... allow dill dough to rise".

   I want to be " Bill Gates, where is that money you owe me" rich!

   When your body is sore, Exercise your mind.

   Always keep several Get Well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.

   I can no longer "drop it like it's hot", so I "squat like it's warm".

   As the great philosopher Miley Cyrus once said "So I put my hands up they are playing my song the butterflys fly away, nodding my head like yeah, moving my hips like yeah, it's a party in the USA

   One tub of crisco... One body pillow... One box of condoms... One cashier... One wink... One awkward moment.

   Life has been so good to me that I just thought I would celebrate within myself and get ridiculously drunk tonight...

   if you listen to the Charlie Sheen interview backwards you can hear Gaddafi laughing at Bambi dying.

   when I go bowling I like to let my fingers do the walking and my balls do the talking.

   remember afro sheen? now we got Charlie Sheen. ;)

   Ambiguity Awareness….It's not what you think….

   I have seen the light! Its a sign!! Its says "Live Nude Ladies" and I shall follow it.

   There should be an Option on Facebook to change the language from English to Charle Sheen "dying is for Fools"

   I thought you were good looking, until I clicked "view more pictures"

   Do not be afraid to cry it does relieve the pain, remember there would be no flowers unless there was some rain

   I thought you were good looking, until I clicked "view more pictures"

   thinking of doing something to somebody that involves high pressure hose, cat litter, a modified cheese grater and a small brown Chihuahua named "Larry"