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Page: 511 of 5577
Does this couch I'm laying on make me look unmotivated?
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08-05-2011 23:04 by
flinnie
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I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
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08-16-2011 16:45 by
BAD GUY
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I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I'd rather SH!T in my hands and clap!"
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05-03-2011 02:51 by
Seddy90
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If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi.
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05-11-2011 22:22 by
jdpower
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Twitter: What's happening? Facebook: What are you thinking? MySpace: Where is everybody?!
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05-12-2011 12:28 by
@iTechnoBoy
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it's not that I'm bad at remembering names, I'm just awesome at forgetting them.
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05-19-2011 12:37 by
Downey
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Realistically most adults only need to know enough math to cheat the government once a year.
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09-14-2011 10:28 by
SuthernFukr
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I can't stand it when people won't speak a little louder when I'm trying to eavesdrop on them. You people are selfish.
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05-27-2011 12:22 by
Marshall the Great
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I just got back from my high school reunion. OK... actually, I logged into Facebook... but same thing.
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06-06-2011 12:17 by
Marshall the Great
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Try to change your perspective. Instead of thinking, "I'm still unemployed," think "This is the longest vacation ever!"
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06-13-2011 15:40 by
Marshall the Great
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I use to say “That's How I Roll” until I fell down a hillside. It was much different than I imagined. Now I say: That's how I scream & bounce.
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06-14-2011 12:45 by
Marshall the Great
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Pregnant women look so happy. It's like they don't even know what's going to happen.
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09-11-2012 15:12 by
Kisstopher
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Anyone who says you can't judge a book by its cover hasn't seen the cover of “The Big Book of Huge Breasts”.
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09-13-2012 06:29 by
Huck
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"You are so rude!" moaned my wife. "The whole time I was talking you were yawning!" "I was not yawning. I was trying to say something."
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09-19-2012 21:19
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I'm always very flattered and humbled when I get an invitation on facebook from someone I don't know, to attend something I never heard of, along with about 12,000 other people.
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10-11-2012 01:16 by
T-Dubb
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Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
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07-22-2013 16:08
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How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
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08-05-2013 11:23 by
snotty
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I think Congress should be forced to go on minimum wage. That way I can feel more comfortable calling them public servants!
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02-14-2013 19:23 by
@topherjordan
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Just bought 2 donuts without sprinkles... Diets are hard ツ
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02-24-2013 11:11
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* Walk in jury duty.... * Hand both lawyers a copy of my latest status updates..... * Walk out of jury duty....
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03-08-2013 14:24 by
snotty
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