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I use to say “That's How I Roll” until I fell down a hillside. It was much different than I imagined. Now I say: That's how I scream & bounce.
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06-14-2011 12:45 by
Marshall the Great
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I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I'd rather SH!T in my hands and clap!"
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05-03-2011 02:51 by
Seddy90
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If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi.
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05-11-2011 22:22 by
jdpower
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Twitter: What's happening? Facebook: What are you thinking? MySpace: Where is everybody?!
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05-12-2011 12:28 by
@iTechnoBoy
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it's not that I'm bad at remembering names, I'm just awesome at forgetting them.
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05-19-2011 12:37 by
Downey
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Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
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07-22-2013 16:08
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How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
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08-05-2013 11:23 by
snotty
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Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
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12-23-2012 03:56 by
Kisstopher
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Lance Armstrong admits to cheating. Can you believe the ball of that guy?
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01-15-2013 00:57 by
xiØn
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Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn't mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
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01-16-2013 08:16
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You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she walks. .. If she sways her hips from side to side she's good in bed. .. If she takes small steps she's unadventurous. .. If she's tiptoeing away from you shes got your credit card.
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01-23-2013 15:24 by
Marshall the Great
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My wife gets annoyed with my long showers. I told her they could be 10-15 minutes shorter if she joined me.
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01-25-2013 12:46
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Girl at bar: My kids are my world!! Me: Then why are you out drinking??
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01-25-2013 16:49
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Showing your love used to be buying them flowers or writing a poem. Now it's just looking at them for 5 minutes without checking your phone.
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02-05-2013 19:41 by
hihuggiehi
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Alcohol does kill brain cells. As a kid I could name all the dinosaurs. Now I can name maybe three, and I'm not even sure armadillos count.
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10-23-2012 09:50 by
Doc Noland
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Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
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10-24-2012 13:29 by
Marshall the Great
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If you think you aren't creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
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11-05-2012 14:13
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Strangly enough we will need China to finance us in our war against them ! Crazy thing is they will probably do it !
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11-07-2012 09:53
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One man's hoe is probably another man's hoe too.
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11-12-2012 15:18 by
Jackoo
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The mirrors in my house have been pretty sarcastic lately.
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11-28-2012 16:26 by
SEAN
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