Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I think I'm the only person in this Family Dollar without a neck tattoo....... Wait, a 7yo just walked by,, Yep, still the only one. 
It's funny how Facebook will suspend me for 30 days if I send out friend requests to people they constantly suggest to me, but it's ok for them to bombard the right side of my page with scantily clad women in my area who supposedly want to date me!
If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'.... I'll turn around and look.
So I read that Uber is going to start using self-driving cars to drive people around... Which is a great idea.. But I'm just thinking, if a car drives up to my house to take me somewhere with nobody in it.. I'm pretty sure I just got myself a new car...
If time is money, then I'm running out of time very quickly
Smile. It's easier than explaining why you're sad.
I'm looking for the "It's Complicated" box to check off on this tax form.
Does this couch I'm laying on make me look unmotivated?
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
Realistically most adults only need to know enough math to cheat the government once a year.
If state farm was like a good neighbor they would had plowed my driveway today for me.
Ice has a way of turning even the most graceful of people into really bad break dancers......
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Unless, of course, they did unto you first, and now you have to totally open a can of "unto" on them.
when judging someone for falling down remember someday you may need them to help you up.
I whip my hair back and forth is probably the most depressing song for bald people
FOR SALE: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How'd that work out for him?
I can't stand it when people won't speak a little louder when I'm trying to eavesdrop on them. You people are selfish.
I just got back from my high school reunion. OK... actually, I logged into Facebook... but same thing.
Try to change your perspective. Instead of thinking, "I'm still unemployed," think "This is the longest vacation ever!" 