Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon saw a banana peel in the road today and instinctively swerved to miss it, thanks Mario Kart!
←Rate | 06-11-2010 01:25 by Pineapple Comments (0)  

   messageicon Statistically speaking 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy!
←Rate | 06-11-2010 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 00:24 by Señor Frog Comments (0)  

   messageicon With all due of respect, I would love to be able to walk up to you and offer you a big, nice cup of shut the f*** up.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 00:10 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon celebrating 1 year of sobriety today…I think it was 1972...
←Rate | 06-10-2010 21:26 by kauffman Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I walk out naked to get the paper.. Squirrels are in awe
←Rate | 06-10-2010 20:27 by gmcclellan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Mr 21st Century Public Bathroom Door Maker,..... am really tired of having to duck and dodge people when am on the JOHN taken care of busniess can you please make a FULL SIZE DOOR without any DOOR CRACKS on the sides!!!!! gee thanks!!
←Rate | 06-10-2010 19:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thinks 'employee of the month' is a good example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 19:11 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone's calling from a blocked or unknown number, I like to answer "Hasenfeffer Incorporated, Schlemazel speaking".
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's amazing the amount of bullsh*t a man will put up with if he has even the slightest thought he might get a piece of ass.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I'm drunk and in the woods, I always have the urge to try to juggle squirrels.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:46 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on the Pepperidge Farm, and raise Milanos.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:45 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishing that girl on Maury would hurry up and find her baby daddy already!
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon going to jail....because I just assaulted that plate of nachos!
←Rate | 06-10-2010 17:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i was playing ping pong against king kong in hong kong using my ding dong ...
←Rate | 06-10-2010 17:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My toilet seat was stolen, not sure who took it, right now I have nothing to go on.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 17:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon typing up a letter to the producers of "Unsolved Mysteries"...maybe they can figure out how many damn licks it takes to get to the center of a damn Tootsie Pop!!!!
←Rate | 06-10-2010 16:28 by SJM Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks that the US Soccer team should dress up as oral hygienists to scare the english into forfeiture
←Rate | 06-10-2010 16:19 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes being a good friend just means being a good listener...
←Rate | 06-10-2010 15:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife told me that I am immature, I said I know you are but what am I ??
←Rate | 06-10-2010 15:37 Comments (0)  

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