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   messageicon I'm on hold now for 38 minutes... But that's ok.... I'm very important to them...and the best part is they don't get tired of admitting it over and over and over again.
←Rate | 07-25-2011 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my women like I like my coffee....Ethically purchased from small farming cooperatives in South America and delivered to me on the back of a donkey.
←Rate | 06-18-2011 18:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn't illegal to talk in the car while I'm driving.
←Rate | 05-09-2011 12:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I'm going back to bed for six weeks.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 08:41 by timoteo Comments (0)  


   messageicon ~Alarm~. . snooze. . ~Alarm~. . snooze. . ~Alarm~ *checks time* OMG! CRAP
←Rate | 02-04-2011 13:14 by DrSAJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alright look...I'll be honest, those pants make your ass look like your inner child grew up, and decided to invite some friends over...
←Rate | 02-11-2011 12:51 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon don't call me on the phone then after I answer tell me to "hold on a minute". If you do, I will hang up instantly. You called me! If you weren't ready to talk, then you shouldn't have dialed.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that song by Bruno Mars called "Just the Way You Are"? Did you know if you changed that lyric to "Just Get In My Car" it changes from a love song to a really scary stalker song??
←Rate | 02-21-2011 17:13 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst way to miss someone, is to have them sitting right next to you & you know you can never have them.
←Rate | 03-06-2011 00:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Snooki is going to be hosting WWE raw on monday. Finally, a good match for Hornswoggle
←Rate | 03-09-2011 13:31 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies.
←Rate | 03-14-2011 15:41 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon if you are going to write on the dust on my car please dont date it
←Rate | 03-16-2011 16:02 by brendan Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
←Rate | 03-29-2011 19:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never make the same mistake twice.... I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
←Rate | 04-06-2011 20:20 by Jason Biaza Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Windows is waiting for the program to respond." Funny... So am I.
←Rate | 01-18-2011 22:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot.
←Rate | 04-06-2010 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves how my gf calls me on her breaks. Which involves hearing courtesy flushes. Learn to break somewhere else.Thanks.
←Rate | 04-11-2010 12:45 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relax. If you didn't want me knocking it over, why the hell did you write "tip jar" on it? Just for that, I'm taking my 15 cents back...
←Rate | 04-22-2010 09:05 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon May the 4th be with you!
←Rate | 05-03-2010 05:21 by @TheChadi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think there's any limit to how many blades they'll put on razors? Like in 2025 there will be the Schick Annihilator 100.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 17:17 by Joser Comments (0)  



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