Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I'm going back to bed for six weeks.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 08:41 by timoteo Comments (0)  


   messageicon ~Alarm~. . snooze. . ~Alarm~. . snooze. . ~Alarm~ *checks time* OMG! CRAP
←Rate | 02-04-2011 13:14 by DrSAJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alright look...I'll be honest, those pants make your ass look like your inner child grew up, and decided to invite some friends over...
←Rate | 02-11-2011 12:51 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon don't call me on the phone then after I answer tell me to "hold on a minute". If you do, I will hang up instantly. You called me! If you weren't ready to talk, then you shouldn't have dialed.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that song by Bruno Mars called "Just the Way You Are"? Did you know if you changed that lyric to "Just Get In My Car" it changes from a love song to a really scary stalker song??
←Rate | 02-21-2011 17:13 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst way to miss someone, is to have them sitting right next to you & you know you can never have them.
←Rate | 03-06-2011 00:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Snooki is going to be hosting WWE raw on monday. Finally, a good match for Hornswoggle
←Rate | 03-09-2011 13:31 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies.
←Rate | 03-14-2011 15:41 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon if you are going to write on the dust on my car please dont date it
←Rate | 03-16-2011 16:02 by brendan Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
←Rate | 03-29-2011 19:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never make the same mistake twice.... I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
←Rate | 04-06-2011 20:20 by Jason Biaza Comments (0)  


   messageicon knows why boy scouts don't sell cookies. Because nobody would eat a cookie with 'BS' on it.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 20:17 by mark1965 Comments (0)  


   messageicon disappointed in his new phone. It promised more bars in more places but all I see are the same old bars and the same old drunks.
←Rate | 01-18-2010 07:11 by k.strayt Comments (0)  


   messageicon A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:23 by Lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon I don't think I'm ever going to win the lottery.. I can't even pick the pen that works from a choice of two at the lottery stand.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon all I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
←Rate | 02-28-2010 21:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a fight with the wife and didn't see her for three days... Then the swelling went down and I could see her out of one eye
←Rate | 03-17-2010 07:28 by MG Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it werent for the gutter my mind would be homeless!!!
←Rate | 03-18-2010 16:41 by ANGELA Comments (1)  


   messageicon A craving for some cookies 'n MILF
←Rate | 03-29-2010 19:19 by Mike R. Comments (0)  



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