hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   The more you know, the less you need to say.

   I have a horrible sleeping disorder where I have to wake up every morning and go to work.

   When I leave a store without buying anything all I can think is “act natural, you're innocent”.

   Our kids will never know the terror of calling their crush on a landline and having their parents answer the phone.

   If you're going to stalk me at least notice when I'm running low on toilet paper & change the roll.

   Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.

   Put your GPS on full volume for your daily commute if you want to know what marriage is like.

   Wasn't able to sell our kitchen table on Craigslist, but we did get invited to 3 orgies and a donkey show

   Interesting that a lot of religions are anti-pork because bacon is the thing that makes me believe in God.

   If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.

   You find out who your real friends are when all you have left to offer is friendship.

   I've counted 8 people so far whose New Year's resolutions include "loose weight". Can I add spelling to your list too?

   Does Facebook have a "You're not smart enough to be talking about politics" button?

   Judging by the disproportionate size of Popeye's forearms, I'm guessing Olive Oyl didn't put out much.

   The best stories ever told always end with the words"...and then I got the hell out of there."

   "The guy at the first window called you a little b!tch." - Me at the second window at the Burger King Drive-Thru.

   I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837.

   If you think 7 years of bad luck are to much for breaking a mirror.. Try breaking a condom

   Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself

   if you ask me my sign so you can see if we're compatible or not, I'll save you the suspense... we're not.