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StonerDudee Funny Status Messages
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Page: 5 of 14
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: "Local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?"
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07-14-2012 12:37 by
StonerDudee
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When Asian tourists ask me to take their picture for them; I always say, "Okay let's do one more but this time don't squint
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07-14-2012 12:41 by
StonerDudee
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Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don't want her to meet her competition right away
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07-14-2012 14:37 by
StonerDudee
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I'm writing this from the hospital. Don't worry! The doctors say I'm going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
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07-14-2012 14:39 by
StonerDudee
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Cell phones ruined pushing people into pools
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07-16-2012 11:10 by
StonerDudee
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Let's have sex? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
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07-16-2012 11:12 by
StonerDudee
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How can this cop expect me to show him my license when he took it away last month? What an Idiot.
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07-16-2012 12:44 by
StonerDudee
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Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It's so fun to watch them freak out!
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07-16-2012 13:42 by
StonerDudee
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Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn't want to ruin my day by talking to you.
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07-17-2012 22:04 by
StonerDudee
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Got kicked out of a Gatorade convention. I guess standin behind the women and whispering "is it in you?" was the wrong thing to do.
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07-17-2012 22:05 by
StonerDudee
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If lesbians aren't attracted to men, why are they attracted to women that look like men?
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07-17-2012 22:06 by
StonerDudee
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I'm going to walmart in a few minutes....does this belt look OK with these sweat pants?
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07-17-2012 22:07 by
StonerDudee
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Why did the snowman smile? Cause the snowblower was coming.
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07-18-2012 16:50 by
StonerDudee
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What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full.
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07-18-2012 17:00 by
StonerDudee
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Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates
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07-18-2012 20:57 by
StonerDudee
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If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
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07-21-2012 20:20 by
StonerDudee
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I'm a leader. Not a follower. Unless it's a dark place, then f*ck that sh*t you're going first.
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07-21-2012 20:21 by
StonerDudee
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When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d*ck or a good memory.. I don't remember what I chose.
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07-21-2012 20:31 by
StonerDudee
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. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. ; )
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07-21-2012 20:32 by
StonerDudee
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All my life I've wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
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07-27-2012 12:36 by
StonerDudee
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