Mickey Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon If I were Superman, I'd forget about Lex Luthor, and instead, beat the living $hit out of every a$$hole who's ever abused a child.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 08:07 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon NASCAR, NBA All Star Game AND The Oscars...Thank G0D there's the Cartoon Network.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 19:58 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Get me an alligator sandwich, and make it snappy!
←Rate | 12-29-2012 15:28 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can't walk for a month.
←Rate | 02-09-2017 14:37 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon My New Year's resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 05:28 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon The thing that disturbs me the most about social media,is when I see a woman from the high school days who didn't age very well, and I think to myself, "Man, I can't believe I zherked off to that."
←Rate | 12-17-2015 15:24 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Groundhog Day and State of the Union address will occur on the same date. This is an ironic event. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence. The other's a groundh
←Rate | 01-02-2013 13:31 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
←Rate | 02-04-2013 12:00 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I drop most of my money on wine, women and song. What's left gets spent foolishly.
←Rate | 04-11-2013 13:06 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Throughout the 90's, during its infancy, the internet was referred to as the Information Superhighway. Little did we realize, that in such a short amount of time, it would become the Information Stupidhighway.
←Rate | 02-07-2017 10:12 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who cares what Dr. Oz says? He used to be a Wizard, now he's only a Doctor. Screw that loser. He's clearly on the way down.
←Rate | 03-11-2012 20:45 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Rabbi asked me why we Catholics believe in Purgatory when there's no actual mention of it in the Bible. I told him it's the food. They serve both Angel Hair Pasta AND Devil's Food Chocolate Cake.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 11:19 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I tried killing a spider with a can of cheap hairspray. Now it smokes two packs a day, joined a bowling league, wears blue eye shadow and calls itself Brenda.
←Rate | 02-08-2017 20:14 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saw pictures of my neighbor's 30 year high school reunion....Don't marry your high school sweetheart!!!
←Rate | 02-11-2013 15:36 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once stayed at an Amish Motel 6. They would have left the light on for me if they had one.
←Rate | 12-30-2012 08:20 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The Goddess that is Judge Judy"....said no one ever.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 16:17 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had a minute left on the car vac timer, so I vacuumed out my dandruff. If that isn't efficiency, I don't know what is.
←Rate | 01-06-2013 13:59 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I drank too much over the holidays. I was at the doctor's yesterday and gave a urine sample. It had an olive in it.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 07:10 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon We had a happy marriage; it was all that living together afterwards that caused the trouble.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 07:48 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon A friend took Ambien to help her sleep. She had the side effect of doing things without realizing it. She ate an entire blueberry pie and didn't know it. Now I don't know about you, but if I eat an entire blueberry pie, I wanna know it.
←Rate | 09-23-2016 15:32 by Mickey Comments (0)  

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