Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   There are two sides to every argument, but I don't have time to listen to yours.

   It's a good thing I have Facebook. Otherwise I'd be doing something dumb right now like being efficient at my job.

   I'll drink to that!! - Me, after anyone says anything.

   Jenna Jameson was arrested for a DUI which means she can now add the breathalyzer to the long list of things she's blown.

   It;s amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumbass!"

   Biologically speaking, the human body requires certain things to work in order to make a baby. Unfortunately a brain isn't one of them.

   Happy Veterans Day! Sending out my gratitude to all those, past and present, who have the courage and drive to do something about the world's problems…. So basically, all those completely unlike me.

   Anything with Friday in it can't be all bad. Now Monday the 13th, that's another story.

   Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(

   I've never fully accepted or mastered many of the key elements of being a grown up.

   Iif time travel were possible, my future self would have shown up to slap some sense into me by now.

   Some people should "dance like no one's looking" where I can't see them.

   You know you're fat when you sit in the bath and the water in the toilet rises.

   What is this world coming to?! Who names their little girl Justin? Mrs. Bieber you have some explaining to do!

   I hate when I'm singing a song and a co-worker thinks they can join in and sing with me. D!ckhead, this is not Glee!

   I took a sh!t this morning. TMI? Yeah well I don't want to read about how in love you are with your boyfriend of the week either.

   Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts! :(

   I had three women making me a sandwich this morning. I felt like a pimp. Thats why I like Subway.

   It is a tradition in my family to put a one hundred dollar bill in a plastic Easter egg and hide it along with all the other eggs. I have collected the reward for 15 years in a row, also this is how long I have been designated the "hider."

   If you can make just ONE person smile, then you're probably a really bad comedian.