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Make crime pay...become a lawyer. 
We just got a new toaster...And of course my impatient a$$ bf would try n stick a knife inside of it to get the bread out...
Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.
People don't leave bad relationships, but they leave bad partners.
saying sorry in advance for any overuse of "21 Questions" Facebook e-mail notifications. I'm just really curious to find out who thinks I have a cute butt
selling all of his now soon to be worthless Apple Stock
My generosity has such underlying desperation.
In the absence of information, people make sh!t up. Worse, if they feel threatened, they make sh!t up that amplifies their worst fears.
I think that gal Flo from the progressive insurance commercials is hot! The same goes for Dee Dee Doodle that smoking hot purple gal with the pink hair and big hands on doodlebops! Yea this abstinance thing I am on is working out great???!!!!
why do people say things regarding you, without mentioning you, and pretending it has nothing to do with you
When trying on pants, even the most vile curse words very rarely make the pants change their mind and fit comfortably.
Ashton Kutcher to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Remaining cast and crew already planning their own "Torpedo of Truth" tour.
If your feeling like Charlie Sheen, go and brush your shoulders off
Proposed her indirectly,but she rejected directly!!!!
wish I can do , what CAL LIGHTMAN can ;-)
a voice in his head. I ask it yes and no questions, and it answers
Acute Gout Attack!! - The Vegetarian's Revenge!
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.
the only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I tried the Facebook Friend Finder and it showed me all the people who deleted me, I think its a tad bit faulty or should be renamed! 