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"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. 
thinks God invented whiskey so the Irish would never rule the world!
There no need to miss someone from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
They done studies you know, 60% of the time it works everytime.
Jack Daniels.
I am wondering if Snoop Dog ever watched Charlie Brown.
it a violation to fart in a non-smoking area?
Don't Facebook your problems, FACE THEM!
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Likes are like crabs. Regardless of what you say - if you're trashy enough, you'll get them often.
As Anti-Wall Street protests spread outside the New York Stock Exchange over the corporate greed in America, pitchforks were up by 8 3/4 and torches by 7 1/2 points
hey guys!!!!!! A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
My ex-wife never cleaned anything but my bank account.
We are exactly one year away from the release of Star Wars VII. #isthatightsaberinyourpocket
I was born inteligent but facebook ruined me..
Does anyone shoop anymore?
Triskaidekaphobia = Fear of Triscuits
Its safe to visit my FB page friends. That smell is now gone.
Me, to wife: "I don't need a shopping list, I can remember." * Returns from grocery store with portrait of Abe Vigoda and a yak. *
Do you have to go to the DMV to register as a sex offender or can you do it online? Asking for 14 friends and an uncle. 