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Some People are Morning People, I am a Never People. * 
If I start babbling its the Nyquil....if I start a bonfire at 3am it's the vodka
Useing the bathroom in Taco Bell, an the guy in the stall next to me has some bad diarrhea, stank'in up the place...I almost couldn't eat my last super burrito!
So I think Cris Christie and Obama driving around to look at bridges is O.K.,,, but when do they start solving crimes?
I use my girlfriend's ass to clean the pee off the seat.
Congrats to Hacksaw Mike Duggan for Becoming Detroit's first white mayor in 40 years. Let the violence begin!
JOHN 12:49 - For I did not speak of my own ACCORD. Translation - Jesus drove a HONDA but he did not boast about it.
When I was born God gave me two choices, I could either be good in bed or have a great memory..Sh !t I forgot what I was going to tell you.
Will E.L. James' next book be called "Fifity Shades of Gay"?
Mike Pence is a wax sculpture in a museum of what people used to believe and live like centuries ago.
Womens March was the largest gathering of people with disabilities in US history.
It sucks when a bunch of rich white guys don't get the improvements to their health care plan at the expense of women and the poor like they have been promised.
Windmill noise causes cancer? I learn something new everyday.
Dear In and Out Burger, I hate you!! Signed, Someone Who Works Down the Street
If it wasn't for Me, it would just be Aweso
The guy who stands in the entrance of Walmart and says "Welcome to Walmart" must say it so many times, he probably wakes up at night yelling it.
(Whitney) Houston, we have a problem.
Buying a ugly fat chick a purity ring is like putting a fence around a dog with no legs
Fun Fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, "Marco" and then an even fainter, "Polo."
Studies show fewer Democrats vote when it rains on Election Day. I guess they don't want the stuff in their shopping cart to get wet. 