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   messageicon A new device can turn thoughts into speech. Wait, don't we already have that? It's called alcohol.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 22:25 by tomcall Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to Lowe's with a bucket of Legos and asked the manager if we could build something together. She threw me out.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 03:32 by will Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone describes something as "better than sex", I know their either lying or extremely sheltered
←Rate | 01-11-2011 17:12 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon while I drink my coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window and ask myself: Am I attractive enough to prostitute?
←Rate | 01-15-2011 16:08 by Charles323 Comments (6)  


   messageicon Can you imagine how fast those clowns who make balloon animals can roll a joint.
←Rate | 05-28-2011 00:27 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are now aware that you can't say Irish wristwatch.
←Rate | 02-08-2011 07:19 by Will Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol....
←Rate | 03-03-2011 08:48 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know those little screens at the gas pumps? They should start showing porn, so I can watch someone else getting screwed at the pump.
←Rate | 04-08-2011 01:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I pointed to two old farts sitting across the bar and told my friend "That's us in 10 years". He said "Dude, that's a mirror"
←Rate | 11-23-2011 09:42 by Urbanski Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so poor I rub cologne from magazines on my shirt .. And when they say "Oh you smell good, what is that?" I say "Page 5"
←Rate | 01-03-2012 13:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a theory that the world will end in 5105, and we've been reading the Mayan calendar upside down
←Rate | 01-11-2012 18:04 by snotty Comments (2)  


   messageicon I dont know why these stupid employment agency websites keep suggesting that I link my job application profile to my Facebook page. If employers ever visit my Facebook page, I will never get a job in this lifetime.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 11:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A teacher, once said, that, I overused commas. What she didn't understand, at all, was that I was writing, like Christopher Walken speaks.
←Rate | 03-10-2012 23:02 by Jon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
←Rate | 03-21-2012 18:15 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon My neighbor is the CEO of a factory that makes annoying children
←Rate | 03-30-2012 11:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe if I look like i'm going to shoplift, I can get some help in the electronics section at Target.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 21:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
←Rate | 11-07-2011 07:33 by Lu Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dont have a problem sharing my funny stuff with ya'll here as you c0py & paste to your Facebooks, its the damn Twitter crew I can't stand with their self righteousness and egos.
←Rate | 06-29-2012 14:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
←Rate | 05-17-2013 06:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon There should be a separate social networking site for people who post inspirational quotes.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 07:17 by Baddie Comments (1)  



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