SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   My favorite part of Thanksgiving is stuffing the turkey. By turkey I mean the hot cashier at the grocery store.

   Who else puts LOL or LMAO or ROFL knowing good and damn well your sitting there with a straight face.

   You're not a real man until you've loved a woman who does a little dance before she pushes out a fart.

   A girl just flirted with me at a coffee shop. Told her to call me when she's 18 (pounds heavier; I like 'em thick)

   If you were born in 1994 or earlier it's legal for me to see you naked.

   Slut is such an ugly word. How about "dong bandit"?

   Bills are like pubes; better when you don't have any.

   Facebook is great for reminding me why I lost touch with certain people in the first place.

   I hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career.

   Trying to write a screenplay about an overcrowded cemetery but there's no plot.

   Having trouble with your iPhone saying “No Service”? Just put your shirt and shoes back on.

   Change is inevitable. Unless you need it to feed the parking meter. Then it's nowhere to be found.

   I still don't know why they call it Virgin Atlantic. My plane was full of skanks who wouldn't take no for an answer!

   My life is like 1-ply toilet paper..I get the job done but I have no idea how.

   Paula Deen selling Diabetes Drugs is like Courtney Love selling methadone.

   Scientists are coming closer to unlocking the secret to why the average American owns 40 pairs of jeans but only wears 3 or 4 of them.

   Idea: A Roomba type of device that putters around the house and then shoots a deadly laser at anyone who says "bro" a lot.

   Frogs always look like they just found out there's no free Wi-Fi.

   Awesome, if you tune in to the NFL Network right now they're showing how Madonna gets hoisted from her formaldehyde jar.

   Just farted in CVS. I basically can't be tamed.