Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.

   Jim Morrison was right: People ARE strange.

   I think that this morning, every side of the bed is wrong.

   Everybody starts out with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before the luck runs out.

   Since there are more Chinese people than any other race on Earth, does that mean they have normal eyes and we have big crazy googly ones?

   The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.

   I'm all out of damns to give, and only have a few flying f*cks left... but I'm saving those for a special occasion.

   Saves lives each day... because there are people out there that need to be shot, and I don't shoot 'em!

   Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

   I have a feeling if I was superhero, my name would be Sarcasmo.

   I'm thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.

   If you're able to update your status saying you're drunk, you're clearly not drunk enough. I shouldn't be able to understand you.

   You'd be surprised at all of the "that's what she said" jokes you can make if you watch 5 minutes of a little kids show.

   FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.

   Dogs may have an incredible sense of smell, but they have a terrible sense of whether that smell is good or bad.

   At least once a week, everyone should bike to work, so there will be less traffic for me.

   How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?

   You're never too old to learn something stupid.

   I love when you say something that is just dripping with sarcasm and people still can't figure it out.

   How much longer do you guys think Renée Zellweger can hold in that fart ?