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I have 2 missed calls from my mother. I think it's safe to say that by now there's a rescue team out there looking for me.
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01-21-2012 14:42
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Due to the economy......The 5 second rule has been upgraded to the 10 second rule. We just can't afford to be throwing away food....
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01-30-2012 20:28 by
Oregon
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Hey, people who have those long ass names on FB like, "Kiesha HatersGonnaHateButI'mJustGonnaKeepOnBeingaBoss Jenkins," CUT THAT SHlT OUT!
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02-02-2012 14:19 by
Marshall the Great
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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm using my hand, But I'm thinking of you.
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02-14-2012 11:52
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Oh, you wear a NORTHFACE Jacket ? You must go on sooo many adventures......
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02-25-2012 18:35
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Facebook should make it to where it says, 'Went from being in a relationship' to 'Problem solved.'
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03-04-2012 14:15
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When things don't add up in your life, start subtracting.
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10-24-2011 13:53
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If a cop pulls you over for talking on your phone, just tell him you were reporting a drunk driver.
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03-18-2012 14:24
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I'd love to get a hold of Mitt Romney and ask him who does his taxes…
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04-04-2012 18:20 by
XX-FOXY
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Next time someone presses the elevator button you've already pressed,,, act totally impressed & tell them they did it waaaay better than you.
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04-08-2012 08:31 by
snotty
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What's long and hard, but can't get up? A North Korean rocket.
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04-13-2012 12:00
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If you love someone, let them know often. Because you might not be able to say it again. Also, same thing works for people you f*cking hate.
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04-17-2012 10:17 by
Nunthewizr
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Hell hath no fury like a Poptart that hasn't had time to properly cool off.
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11-17-2011 10:45
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I'm at the doctor's office & they don't know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I'll wait for the Doctor, these other patients are clueless.
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05-06-2012 16:17
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If I was single, I would have a stick figure of myself on the back of my car next to a bag of cash.
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05-28-2012 08:47 by
snotty
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There should be a mandatory day on facebook where everyone must turn off their spell-checker so we can weed out the retards.
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06-06-2012 20:58 by
Aaron
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Pop up ads are the Jehovahs witness of the internet.
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06-11-2012 14:39
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WARNING: If you see posts offering free clips of Justin Bieber's new album, DO NOT CLICK. They link directly to free clips of Bieber's new album. Your welcome!
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06-19-2012 17:53
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Not having tattoos is suddenly a great way to express your individuality.
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06-24-2012 22:02
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You are 15 years old you should feel butterflies in your stomach not a baby kicking
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07-11-2012 11:04
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