Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 444 of 5593

   messageicon To those girls on "My Super Sweet 16" that get pissed when daddy buys them the wrong colour Mercedes. SHUT UP! I ride a bike!
←Rate | 05-15-2012 21:08 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon The distance between my being overwhelmed with happiness and wondering when it will all fall apart is precisely seventeen seconds.
←Rate | 05-19-2012 13:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hello, would you like to take part in a one-question survey?" "Sure." "Great! Thanks for participating."
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:55 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always feel like I'm at the top of the gene pool, but when I do, I'm at Walmart.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 18:09 by Allie B Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blowing inside cartridges was considered "Loading" back in my early years of gaming.
←Rate | 01-19-2012 01:21 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I've got mood poisoning. It must be something I hate.
←Rate | 11-22-2011 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Filling out my doctors info sheet, listed my twitter followers as my emergency contacts.
←Rate | 11-29-2011 09:51 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lazy rule # 538: I would rather carry 10 overloaded plastic bags in each hand than taking 2 trips to bring my groceries in
←Rate | 12-17-2011 20:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think people get married just to get 'Likes' on Facebook.
←Rate | 03-13-2012 14:52 by pettytarun Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have come so far. Computers, Moon landing, Mars rover, Hubble telescope taking pictures of thing light years away...and yet we still need a sign telling employees to wash their hands.
←Rate | 03-14-2012 09:15 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I like to play this little game where we both see something that needs to be put away, but we leave it out to see how long it takes the other one to do it. She doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as I do.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 14:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A synonym is a word you use when you can't remember how to spell the other word.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 20:36 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to do nothing for people. Then when they say " Thanks for nothing", I say It was the least I could do.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 14:39 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a mishap while making coffee just now that is best explained through interpretive dance...
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:52 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die I want written on my tombstone "Finally Offline".
←Rate | 04-08-2012 17:07 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Mr. Coffee, Do you even manufacture a coffee pot that doesn't spill when you pour out of it? -Early Riser
←Rate | 04-12-2012 08:19 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Facebook, thanks for reminding me why moving away from my hometown was the best decision ever.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 20:45 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just adjusted my life insurance policy to include the purchase of a hologram of myself that will blend into the crowd at my funeral.
←Rate | 04-18-2012 11:03 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good things come to those who wait. Well.. except for the people on death row.
←Rate | 10-16-2011 14:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand!
←Rate | 10-19-2011 13:46 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left