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A synonym is a word you use when you can't remember how to spell the other word.
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03-20-2012 20:36 by
migasjoe
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I like to do nothing for people. Then when they say " Thanks for nothing", I say It was the least I could do.
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03-26-2012 14:39 by
Baddie
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Had a mishap while making coffee just now that is best explained through interpretive dance...
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03-31-2012 14:52 by
snotty
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When I die I want written on my tombstone "Finally Offline".
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04-08-2012 17:07 by
Kisstopher
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Dear Mr. Coffee, Do you even manufacture a coffee pot that doesn't spill when you pour out of it? -Early Riser
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04-12-2012 08:19 by
Goodeolboy
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Dear Facebook, thanks for reminding me why moving away from my hometown was the best decision ever.
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04-13-2012 20:45 by
BEGO
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Just adjusted my life insurance policy to include the purchase of a hologram of myself that will blend into the crowd at my funeral.
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04-18-2012 11:03 by
SuthernFukr
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Good things come to those who wait. Well.. except for the people on death row.
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10-16-2011 14:32
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I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand!
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10-19-2011 13:46
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If you're not working on trying to be mine, then you shouldn't be worrying about who's consuming my spare time.
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10-20-2011 00:42
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We need to employ ninja doctors to do vasectomies secretly to stop dipsh!ts from breeding.
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10-20-2011 10:21
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Carlos Santana must be relieved that his look-alike Gadaffi is gone.
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10-20-2011 12:14
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When I am on vacation I put in my Out of Office message to contact Batman with any problems, as I feel he is the only one qualified to replace me anyway.
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10-21-2011 16:09 by
Marshall the Great
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Damn, three raptures and I'm still here....I'm starting to think there must be something wrong with me.
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10-22-2011 08:17 by
K-Mac
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There is so little food in my house right now I think I saw some ants putting together a grocery list.
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11-09-2011 11:46 by
Marshall the Great
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Don't you just want to write on some people's Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
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11-10-2011 15:32
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Blowing inside cartridges was considered "Loading" back in my early years of gaming.
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01-19-2012 01:21 by
Danmanz
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Men think about sex every seven seconds. The rest of the time is spent trying to come with a lie when a woman asks, "What are you thinking?"
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05-11-2012 10:24 by
Marshall the Great
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To those girls on "My Super Sweet 16" that get pissed when daddy buys them the wrong colour Mercedes. SHUT UP! I ride a bike!
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05-15-2012 21:08 by
BEGO
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The distance between my being overwhelmed with happiness and wondering when it will all fall apart is precisely seventeen seconds.
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05-19-2012 13:41
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