Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   ..is at home taking care of mum after her accident..she fell in front of a man and ended up with a big bump. A bit like how I was conceived,really ..

   ■I'm going to protect my statuses on Christmas this year so Santa can't “know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake.” Take that!

   My journey of a thousand miles began with a single step. But I had the wrong shoes on and now i've gone back a few paces.

   ..is tired of waking up to his antics so she set a trap last night..Jack Frost won't be nipping any noses now for a LONG time..

   I bought a dog and named him Stay. Poor thing gets confused when I call him "Come here,Stay!" "Come here,Stay!"

   ..wonders if some women apply their makeup with a paintbrush in the dark. Either that or the Tammy Faye Baker/Alice Cooper look is all the rage these days.

   The only one in my family to have a personal trainer is my dog.

   ..won't waste any time looking for eggs, but will catch the Easter Bunny instead and hit the egg jackpot..

   ..wishes her hair was blonde. That way,it wouldn't have a mind of it's own like it does this morn. X

   Kansas wheat farmer awoke to find both his wife & only tractor missing from his farm. Detectives believe the two disappearances are connected,as police have found both a Dear John and a John Deere letter.

   ..loves to wake up with her partner snoring her little heart out behind me...

   I'm like Heather Mills. I only wear half of the shoes I buy.

   This morning, as I stood naked looking in the Mirror, I thought to myself: "Any second now I'm gonna get chucked out of this newsagents."

   ..i blame my typos on my years as a postwoman. Even today I cant help but miss a letter ot two..

   friends are quiet angels that lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

   So far this year, my hindsight is only 20/10.

   The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

   ..was reading the bookThe Dog That Never Dies. She couldn't put it down.

   Daylight savings time. Why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

   I found out why smarties are round today.So they fit in the box.