lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Duran Duran have reworked one of their classic singles for the World Cup. It goes, 'His name is Rio and he watches from the stands...'

   This is a mean,cruel world & I want my nappy & medications right now!

   This Halloween, I'll be handing out those little tiny candy bars. I think they're called bite-me sized.

   Life is like a p*nis, it's short but it seems so long when it gets hard.

   My friend has just been sacked from the jigsaw factory. She's in pieces.

   ..because Chinese New Year and Valentines Day fall on the same day this year,i think i'll celebrate both with a takeaway! How romantic. Lol.

   just wants your extra time and your...kiss!

   Eight deaths in one year at a Chinese phone manufacturing plant? There's an App for that.

   Hamsters are really stupid, but, I'm the girl spending money to keep one housed and fed, so, there you go.

   My friend is in a wheelchair, so I gave him a chainsaw, wrapped him in tinfoil and sent him on Robot Wars. But seriously - he's dead now.

   I was injured tap dancing. Broke my ankle when I fell into the sink.

   Can't remember the name of the last girl she slept with. It's on the tip of my tongue.

   Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry.

   Friends are like computers : they enter into your life,saves you in their heart,formats your problems & never deletes you from their memory.

   not a PC and your commercials are getting on my nerves.

   A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.

   ..thinks some people here have the mentality of a retarded turtle. But it's nice to see that monkeys can actually type these days. I knew that £2 a month I was donating towards the RSPCA would come to some good. Keyboard monkeys. Who'da thunk it?

   A blind Indian girl wanted me to touch her clothes to see how soft they were. I felt sari for her.

   ..when people write "is ;-)" as their stat message,you tend to think,well,if I was ";-)" would I stop and write a stat update about it? Obviously you're not ";-)" very well.

   that if SHE ruled the world, the first thing she would do is get rid of those annoying adverts that sing about it!