Funny Status Messages

   If at the end of your life you have no regrets, you did it wrong.

   Most popular iPhone App of the month: Public Telephone Box Locator.

   If you ask me a question, I say "I don't know" and you ask me again, prepare for a very ridiculous answer.

   that moment you wake up from a drunk night and ure scared to look at ur facebook statuses.

   The best part of watching an actor on an environmental crusade is when he gets on his private plane.

   What goes around comes around; wait for revenge, revenge waits for you

   talk sh*t again, and its going right back in your mouth.

   90% of the time when I say "brb" it just means I don't want to talk to you anymore

   Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.

   Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

   If you can't say something nice, we're probably related.

   Someday, I'd like to take a train across the country.. but they never leave the keys in them.

   You know you're a mother when you hide in the bathroom to be alone!

   You know those neighbors who spy on you and then blab to everyone else? My neighbors have one of those.

   Women always worry about the things that men forget, men always worry about the things women remember.

   Don't make decisions when ur angry... and don't make promises when ur happy...

   thinks if I ever get put in jail and sentenced to death - my last meal is going to be a McRib and a Shamrock Shake - that should buy me some time cause they are never available at the same time.

   If at first you DO succeed, someone's probably going to think you cheated.

   I'm surprised there isn't a "ABC's Rockin' Chilean Miners Rescue Special" hosted by Ryan Seacrest.

   9000 POEPLE ARE HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW...2000 ARE KISSING...1000 ARE ENJOYING ORAL... AND ONE LONELY F##KER IS READING MY STATUS......YOU HANG IN THERE SUNSHINE