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I once shot a man in Reno with a paintball gun just to watch him dye. 
If coffee was a drug, my last name would be Winehouse.
What has red hair, big feet, and lives in a test tube? Bozo the Clone.
Maybe if you didn't act like thuggish and lazy pieces of crap there wouldn't be a problem
When sone one yawns , do deaf people think they're screaming
"The Russians ate my homework" - High school Hillary
R.I.P. creator of the Big Mac, the most prolific serial killer of all time.
If I were to have one regret as a parent, it would be that I taught my kids how to talk..
The escalator at the gym is broken, this is BULlcrap.
"Sometimes I feel I don't belong here." Me, on planet earth
If hearts were made to be broken then so were faces.
Just imagine...with one touch of a button, your 5 year old could upload all your phone's photos to iCloud.
I bet it was like a bad nightmare when Lamar Odom woke up, not that he was in a hospital but that hes back in the Kardashian family.....
The streets will run red with the blood of my enemies is probably something I shouldn't have said out loud at the neighborhood watch meeting
"Why do you wanna work at Clickbait Enterprises?"... Here's 10 reasons why I should get the job... "OK"... Number 7 will shock you..."You're hired"
I guess the white guy forgot he wasn’t home and behind his keyboard when he called that black judge the N word.
I decided to become a vegetarian once but gave it up when I realized pork isn't a vegetable...
your reputation in high school doesn't matter once you graduate anyways so why spend 4 years trying to impress people you'll never see again
I am the most dangerous/damaged when I'm quiet. When I'm yelling or b*tching there is still hope.
That's cool that your boyfriend is a male model but no I can't lend you money for food or rent. 