Mick F Funny Status Messages

   Psychiatric labels are nice way of sugar coating the fact that some people are just plain a$$holes.

   Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

   My parents had a weird perspective on raising me. The day they brought me home from the hospital when I was born, they put a sign on my bedroom door: "Checkout Time is 18 years."

   A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, "Crushed nuts?" " He goes, "No, arthritis."

   Close mindedness is the most abject form of blindness.

   Sometimes, you simply need to walk away from people that weren't who you thought they were...or more importantly, who you wanted them to be.

   I can't wait to embark on this wonderfully mysterious, enchantingly romantic journey with you. The entire trip. All the way from, "Hello".....to...... "WTF JUDGE! THE HOUSE, THE CAR, AND PERMANENT ALIMONY TOO????"

   Love my new job. It's at a work free drug place.

   Okay. You have the perfect marriage. Fine. Your grandkids are the greatest ever. Fine. You have a nice car and boat. Fine. Stick em all up your a$$. Fine.

   Today, I had the greatest Sunday dinner ever. I can't begin to define the level of greatness that this meal possessed. It was so great, I can't actually tell you you how truly great it was. I had Frosted Flakes.

   Chinese couple's wedding night. Time for sex. The bride asks the husband what he wants. He says, "69". She says, "You want Beef with Broccoli?"

   It's a Paleontological fact that T-Rexes were so vicious because their arms were too short for them to masturbate.

   Anybody else go around clicking LIKE on all the hot chicks posts, no matter what stupid sh*t it is?

   I'm not going to apologize for it, cause the truth is I'd do it again.

   What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association

   Ever notice that those who have nothing on the inside, are the one's that are the most preoccupied with what is on the outside?

   An old guy asks his pharmacist about V*agra. The pharmacist says it works great. The old guy asks him if he can get it over the counter. The pharmacist said yes, if he takes six.

   I keep telling my friends, "Stop being so sexist....don't you know broads hate that?"

   The main difference between The North and The South is, that in The North, "Blow Pop" is a noun, not a verb.

   There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.