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Page: 4 of 134
Just sold a lawn mower on eBay. That will be the last time my neighbor wakes me up on a Saturday morning.
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06-28-2012 22:04 by
Marshall the Great
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You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
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03-27-2010 05:56 by
Marshall the Great
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Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor's WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I'm the victim here!
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07-01-2011 15:41 by
Marshall the Great
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Well, it's about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
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04-12-2012 16:31 by
Marshall the Great
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All the landmarks and millions of beautiful places on Google Earth, and the first thing everyone looks at is their own house.
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09-26-2010 20:10 by
Marshall the Great
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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling...
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04-30-2012 20:32 by
Marshall the Great
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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "In Jesus name, amen,"
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02-17-2011 20:59 by
Marshall the Great
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I will never be too old to enjoy driving by a stranger, honking, and waving just to see the confused look on their face and awkward wave back.
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05-03-2011 11:51 by
Marshall the Great
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I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "just kidding."
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05-30-2011 01:14 by
Marshall the Great
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It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
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05-24-2011 09:38 by
Marshall the Great
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I did 26 situps this morning. It's not a lot, but then again how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock?
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03-06-2011 00:17 by
Marshall the Great
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Good thing I got this degree, just in case this unemployment thing doesn't work out.
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10-13-2011 13:19 by
Marshall the Great
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Don't be stupid, if their ex is still calling its because they're still getting an answer.
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04-01-2012 16:57 by
Marshall the Great
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Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
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12-29-2010 15:27 by
Marshall the Great
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You ever notice how most Ford vehicle names are more fun when you put "anal" in front of them? Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger, Focus...
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06-27-2011 16:11 by
Marshall the Great
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My girl told me that her fantasy f*ck would be Brad Pitt. Then she went mental because I told her mine. Apparently Amber from next door wasn't a good answer,
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08-04-2011 04:53 by
Marshall the Great
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Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out.
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05-23-2012 15:55 by
Marshall the Great
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Reason why I check my voice mail... 5% Because I care about my missed calls, 95% to remove that annoying icon.
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07-08-2011 14:01 by
Marshall the Great
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My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.
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01-10-2011 23:24 by
Marshall the Great
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If the Zombie Apocolypse doesn't start out like the dance portion of the Thriller video I'm going to be pissed...........
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06-02-2012 21:01 by
Marshall the Great
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