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It feels like we haven't seen each other in years Why don't you join me for a couple of beers clink cheers 
mirrors can't talk....luckily for you they can't laugh either
I feel like a million bucks...now where can I go cash this in?
I'd rather be late in this world than early in the next.
“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”
Some stuff gets better with age, other stuff feels the effects of gravity.
Does not play well with other's
Douchenozzles flock to the internet for the simple reason that whatever stupid crap they can get away with online would earn them a cap in the a$$ in real life.
I wish the government would takeover all the Farmville land and sell it off Facebook to pay down the national debt
"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."...Wilson Mizner
If you have to start your sentance with "Now you know I'm not a bigot..." chances are you are...
You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.
You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
MTV just sent me a message that had something to do with fist pumping with Snooki and The Situation this New Year's Eve. Can I fist pump them in the jaw?
it is unbelievable how much hair I'm pulling outta my nose, I wonder If I can sell it to the people who make wigs...
Sometimes late at night I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
found out softcore porn isn't like real sex, it doesn't fade out to a candle, waterfall or something lame like that."
I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!
Thinks he should change his name to TomTom. I have had at least 5 people today stop and ask me for directions. I guess I look like a guy who knows where he is going… If they only new the truth, LoL
Rose tint my world keep me safe from my trouble and pain.... 