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Putting down others to make you feel better about yourself is just stupid, you piece of $hit excuse of a human. 
In Japan, the title "Jersey Shore" translates into "Macaroni Rascals"
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes CLOSED !
whenever I start to feel adventurous and spontaneous, my bank account tells me to calm the hell down
1.5% of my Chapstick is lost because I shave a little off every time I put the cap back on.
Just sprayed the new Febreeze "Carnival Cruise" air fragrance throughout the home. Now the whole place smells like sh*t..
It's okay that I touch my cousin's fake breasts because they aren't really hers, right guys?
jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
Have you seen the clown that hides from g@y people in Wal-mart?
“Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.”
Scientists have developed a new drug for henpecked men. It's called Growacet…
If by squirter you mean I pee when I laugh sometimes, then yeah I'm a squirter.
I hate all those girls who think acting stupid is cute. Grow up.
Laying on my TV watching the couch. I needed to switch things up a bit.
thinks it's funny that in about 40 years from now, there is going to be a lot of seniors walking around with tattoos.
Heard a dude in the stall next to me in the Walmart Bathroom say "There can be only One".. He is either a Highlander or he needs some more toilet paper.......
going to triple dog dare someone to lick a flagpole this winter.
What I would do for two Saturdays...
We childproofed our homes but they are still getting in.
likes to discuss his newest disgusting rash in crowded elevators 