Funny Status Messages

   scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today's status.

   AOL has announced that they're going to lay off one-third of their employees. On the bright side, it's AOL, so they're going to do it slowly and with frequent interruptions.

   Would delete you, if I didnt have to keep the numbers up on my friends list, to impress my other friends.

   Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader

   I have decided that I am not overwieght, instead I am a nutritional overachiever.

   Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

   Something went wrong. We're working on getting this fixed as soon as we can. You may be able to try again. <--- Facebook's new slogan

   The more you watch Maury the less your kids look like you.

   went to the bookshop today to get a book about conspiracies. Guess what, there were none there. Coincidence?

   will be forever indebted to the person who creates a vaccine for stupidity.

   My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...

   Pessimist sees darkness, optimist sees light, realist sees light & the coming train! Train driver sees 3 idiots sitting on the rails. :-)

   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

   cellphones always killin the mood. chick texted "your ducking sexy".. sigh. so I responded "your spelling makes me think your on quack"

   thinks instead of asking why your dog eats out of your cat's litter box, maybe you should be asking why your cat is pooping delicious treats!

   The scariest part of the show “I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant” is that there are enough of these women to sustain an entire series.

   Spiders should be required to keep proof of all the insects they've killed so when I find them in the house I can decide whether to leave them alone, move them outside, or flatten them with extreme prejudice.

   Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA speak for "here's a pine tree and some nails."

   Somthing always tells me, be camera ready when I go into Walmart..

   Note to Self: Singing the theme song to Two and a Half Men while watching it, fun and acceptable. Singing it while in the showers at the gym, not so much.