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Are you single single or internet single?
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10-21-2011 16:08 by
Marshall the Great
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When you're with the right person, you feel the perfect balance of happy and horny.
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04-30-2012 00:55 by
Czovczov
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Steven Tyler looks like a zombie crawling out of a drag queen's hamper.
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05-13-2012 09:28
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I don't know exactly who's health I'm drinking to, but they're going to be immortal at this rate
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04-23-2012 21:24 by
BEGO
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Hey, if you stay really quiet and listen very, very closely, You can hear the beautiful sound of you shutting the f$ck up.
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05-14-2012 21:11 by
BEGO
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It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Then it's a life of piracy on the high seas.
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05-21-2012 19:27 by
Aaron
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You can always count on mom's to gasp in horror when you're about to hit a car that's 300 yards away.
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12-16-2011 12:25 by
SuthernFukr
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Facebook needs to add these to the relationship status options: (1) Messing around, (2) Using someone, (3) Afraid to commit, (4) With so-and-so until something better comes along.
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12-17-2011 02:17
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Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid ... I really thought you already knew!
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01-30-2012 16:27 by
Missy
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has found that when my son says "the other day", it can mean any time up to a year ago.
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02-21-2012 12:37 by
Maureen
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The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it”
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02-25-2012 21:16 by
Maureen
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Sometimes you wish you could just fast forward time just to see if in the end it's all worth it,..
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06-06-2012 12:43
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The week seems to go by at the speed of a snail. Unless it's the weekend. Then the snail is driving a Ferrari.
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06-11-2012 22:09 by
BEGO
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When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he's having a crappy day.
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06-12-2012 15:28 by
SuthernFukr
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My brain is about as organized as the WalMart $5 DVD bin.
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07-01-2012 22:17 by
BEGO
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when I have a headache , I take 2 asprins and keep away from children . jus like it says on the bottle.
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07-02-2012 09:59
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Thanks, autocorrect. I'm sure she's dying to know about my huge peninsula.
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07-02-2012 13:13
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Just think,,, 20 years ago my television set weighed 350lbs.. And my wife weighed 105lbs ...
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07-07-2012 13:40 by
snotty
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"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I've ever been asked.
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07-09-2012 20:15
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Unprotected sex can lead to Pregnancy or Diseases. Masturbation just leads to sleep.
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10-16-2011 07:49
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