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My dog ate a condom last night. Try explaining THAT to the Vet as it's hanging halfway out of his arse! 
totally gonna take over the world one day >=D
chopping wood for the electric fireplace
It takes 10 people to change a lightbulb because 9 of us are on Facebook.
Only in America Media and News is Brainwashing People!! Do not believe what you hear or see.
Thief injustice Benedict Arnold Roberts
I date black girls because I don’t have to worry aboutt meeting their dads
out walking her pet fish
I am so proud of my gun, I left it alone and it did not kill anyone
I can never plug in a usb correctly the first time, I have to flip it like 17 times before it finally goes in.
The Constitution wins everytime Obama says, "This was a pretty shameful day in Washington for the government"
Beginning to think that Al Gore is lying about global warming
UNINSTALLING OBAMA..... █████████████▒▒▒▒▒▒ 89% complete.
we lost 400k jobs, but gained 140k for the month, ya great job obama.
Aliens are coming to Earth on Monday to abduct all the good looking and sexy people. You will be safe, but I just wanted to say goodbye.
Jesus is the way, the truth and the life!
"Don't kid yourself" Would be a great slogan for an abortion clinic.
Last week my best friend who was Chinese died. I went to China to attend the funeral and pay my respects. When people close to you die, it's weird how you see their face everywhere you look.
What do you call a Mexican who has just lost his car? Carlos
After Arizona's new immigration law, the Phoenix Suns managing partner denounced the new law and said "it was wrong". So, me and 4 friends went to the game without a ticket, and got kicked out. If he liked the law, he should have let us stay. 