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To the Democrats: Your parents cant afford another 4 years of you living in their basement. 
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs @ the end of summer... I've only got 40 lbs to go.
So, one candidate wants to fix an economy that made him a billionaire while the other supports killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers...
Lindsay Lohan bitten by snake while on vacation in Thailand. After hours of rolling around in unspeakable agony the snake finally died.
The State Department says Comey was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! Can we say we told you so?!
2016 goes from bad to worse: Nickelback is still a band
Thinking about opening a lingerie shop for plus size women ....... Gonna call it KING THONG
A lot of sandwiches are not being made today
Me come to US of A to kill moose and squirrel. Somehow me marry fat, old, rich guy who never shutting up and live too long.
leaving your mouth with a great clean feeling
Wow... over 500,000 people attended Obama's Inauguration today.. and only 7 missed work
" OMG ... I would kill for another Nobel Peace Prize. " Barack Obama
What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family of four.
if you're too lazy to get a photo ID maybe you shouldn't be voting anyway...
If he makes you laugh, kisses your forehead, says hes sorry, makes an effort, holds your hand, attempts to understand you. Hes totally cheating on you.
How many Mexicans does it take to knock out Pacquiao.........JUST JUAN
I don't do drugs. I just smoke weed.
|\\//\\//\\//\\| <-- <y best attempt at creating a piece of virtual bacon for you
men think about sex every 7 seconds, which is the exact reason I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds...So it doesn't get weird
Jeeziz. Three hours sleep. Where's Casey Anthony with the chloroform when you need her? 