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Lets Just call MacGyver out of retirement to fix the BP oil leak and call it a day! 
So stick that in your juice box & suck it!!
I don't know if I'm liking this "new facebook" but I guess that's what we all said when we left myspace. It's weird how FB keeps changing stuff and it eventually becomes 'normal'. Still no dislike button though.
What I miss most about having kids in diapers is that there was always a constant supply of diaper rash cream for the mornings after I ate Mexican food.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Getting really sick of making my own sandwiches
Today's status is brought to you by the letters ~I.. H*A*T*E..M*O*N*D*A*Y*S.. and the numbers ~ 24/7 ~
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great... I know this is too much for you, so here is a shortcut - Just think about me.
I got sent home for inappropriate attire. Lady Gaga wore the SAME thing at the VMAs! Some people know nothing about fashion.
Based on my current rate of income, I estimate that I will be able to retire and live comfortably in about 180 years.
The lawyer for Brett Favre should use this defense regarding the pics "He was making a pass at his wife and another woman intercepted it"
ate Oriental flavored Ramen for lunch today, and it tasted nothing like an Asian
heading out to tease the birds in the park and feed breadcrumbs at his/her self
Midgets got 99 problems, but an inch ain't one.
They say children brighten up the household. That's because they never turn out the ilghts.
There's a new Tiger porn with all the hoes he cheated with called "It's all in the hips." It's better than his first release "Tiger's 18 favorite holes."
Facebook is becoming the grown-up version of the "Do you like me? Yes. No. Circle one" letter we passed around in grade school.
Has anyone ever noticed how on the facebook homepage before you log in, it looks as if the whole world is connected but Hawaii is not on there? I guess they dont have facebook
People always mean 50% of what they say when they are joking. "You are 200% idiot!" Don't get angry, I was joking!
I just bought some Axe Body wash and now my balls are sqeeky clean too! 