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I don't give a crap, But If I did give out crap. You'd be the first person I'd give it to 
God protect me from my friends, my enemies I can handle on my own
My auto-reply to all fake event invitations is - "Has invited you to the event: Getting Unfriended."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, and the middle ones for you.
I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning but now how it applies to me.
You're more shallow than a kiddie pool.
whenever I watch an old 60's or 70's movie I wonder how cool it wouldve been to live then, then I realized 90 percent of what I do would take an hour on a rotatory phone and sending 5 letters a day...go 2000's
Weekend's coming up. What do you say we surf the real world?
what started out as a joke, ended up me sleeping on the stairs for 2 hours.
My family was too poor to buy hooked on fonics.
Nothing says “I need a swift steel-toed kick to the crotch!” like people who silently watch and say nothing as someone is bullied... Except maybe parents who give their children weird @ss names.
prays for the day when all resturants have scatch and sniffs ...to get a good whiff of the meal before you order it lol
Be my Facebook Friend, NOT a Spy or a Hater.
Eskimo marriages have increased at least tenfold due to global warming. The main reason is that young couples are finding it easier to break the ice.
☑ Facebook. ☑ Twitter. ☑ Tumblr. ☐ Life.
get to drilling Bruce Willis.
IKEA has the BEST horse d'oeuvres.
90% of the time I drop my IPhone because I wanna see a picture horizontal.
if you're an influentail person but you do not help anybody, you're ignorant.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man whose been single longer than 6 months. 