Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old, I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card.

   Disrespect: Giving someone half the peace sign without suggesting they are number one

   They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.

   I'm a lesbian and i'm ok. A butch all night and a femme all day.

   The National Eczema Association are currently fundraising. They've just launched a scratch card.

   ..is in negotations with Vancouver. They're desperate for snow and she's sick of it.

   My therapist just prescribed all new meds for my March madness.

   "Do they know it's christmas time at all?" Yeah they should. They made most of the presents.

   Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown

   Just call her the Carpenter's Special: flat as a board and never been nailed.

   I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.

   If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

   ..is like a stamp: first class and lickable.

   it's a jungle out there and I ain't lion!

   Can I borrow that quarter? Because my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

   I raised the alarm at work today.The midgets were furious.

   Who does everyone listen to and no one believe? The weatherman.

   Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....

   Why does David Hasselhoff call himself "The Hoff"? Because he couldn't put up with the hassle.

   I went to the docs the other day. He told me to stop eating so many eggs. I said " Why? Is my cholestorol that high?" . He said "No but your farts are absolutely f *cking rank!!"