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1 out of every 3 Obama supporters are as stupid as the other two 
Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio...now go clean them and make me a sandwich on your way back...
No Lady Gaga, ou weren't born that way. We can all see your Adam's Apple. Its sort of gross.
An Arab invented the original mechanical clock, which is odd since Arabs are never on time.
gave up drinking and smoking... Worst ten minutes of my life.
Real Men of Genius.Today we salute you Mr.Compulsive Status Update Checker.People are out actually having fun, your stuck reading about it on a screen. One click instant "mafia and farmville" updates to live vicariously through, friends you... haven't see
If you having spell problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a witch aint one!!! >:(
Every time I stir a hot beverage in one direction, I cry. But when I stir it the other way, I start laughing. I think I'm suffering from Mixed Tea Motions.
fed up of talking about himself in the 3rd person. Stupid (name)!
blaming it on the rain.
Please Be Nice to smokers. They don't have much time left.
just saw an indian asleep on the train and noticed his red dot on his forehead and just thought to myself 'is he on standby?'
American Apparel is filing for bankruptcy again... The good news is that they're only a couple more bankruptcies away from running for President.
Hang 'em up, Kobe. Black Mamba is done.
I plan to open a pancake house in Japan called Japancakes.
Whats the difference between Sunnis and Shiites? Sunni's are attracted to goats while Shiite's are attracted to sheep.
talking to his inner voices..& they don't like you
The next person that says "It's not the heat, it's the humidity" is going to realize, "It's not my fist, it's the impact".
God I hate Democrats!
Being an Atheist isn't a choice. It is merely a side effect of being highly intelligent. 