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Almost time for " the new year new me bull$hit" 
The Christmas Day hacking of Playstation Network and Xbox Live forced gamers offline and kids to sit with their families for Christmas instead of locking themselves in their rooms. This had girlfriends, wives, and mothers whispering, "It's a Christmas Mi
Am I the only one praying for an, "Equiptment Malfunction" during the halftime show tonight?
According to this profuse bleeding from the roof of my mouth, I should have stopped at one bowl of Captain Crunch.
I'm a real stand up guy, just so long as you are a real bend over girl.
Pants...Why? What for?
If the internet was a game show, we'd all be in Japan and have jumper cables clipped to our nuts
Did I log into Facebook or Pinterest? I'll tell you what color that dress is.. It's who and why do you all give a f**k!"
I'm nothing like this generation. I just live in it.
Its Saturday evening; time to browse through facebook and be judgmental on people's posts, of which most of them are under the influence.
Happy Irish-stereotypes day.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
I bet I can hold my breath longer than you. In fact, I bet you can't hold my breath at all.
At this point in my marriage, I'm willing to trade cunnilingus for the 15 mintues of not having to talk.
Sometimes I squat on the floor, wrap my arms around my knees, and lean forward... because that's how I roll.
I wonder if spiders get as pissed off as I do when I walk through their webs.
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tounges and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in messages, it would be creepy as hell.
I'm looking forward to avoiding spending time with you
I'm starting to think none of you have résumés.
Relationships can only have one emotionally unstable person, and I am always that person. 