SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I don't get why everyone told me how great it is to swim with dolphins. I've been stuck in this tuna net for five days.

   Going on a walk. Like some kind of freakin' car-less hippie moron.

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?

   When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane...

   It'd be pretty messed up if the cure for cancer was in those end-slices of bread.

   "I want to drink a lot of vodka but I also want to look pretentious." - Inventor of the Martini.

   My girlfriend was admitted to the hospital last night. She's in the Expensive Care Unit.

   Find a penny pick it up, and all day long you'll have significantly raised the odds of contracting a bacterial ailment.

   You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says "whatever."

   The handicap parking at the special olympics must be insane

   Racism is for lazy people who don't take the time to learn enough about someone to dislike them for a much better reason.

   Well if you have no intention of getting married, Reverend, it's not really Pre-Marital sex, is it?

   Anti-Birth Control Christians should remember that when G0d said 'Be fruitful & multiply' there were only 2 ppl on Earth.

   Does anyone know how much water I'm supposed to add to this baby powder to make an infant?

   The Wizard of Oz needed another character. Like an alcoholic who needed a liver.

   Facebook should change the status question from “What's on your mind?” to “What's your problem today?”

   "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?

   I just called bullsh!t but it went straight to voicemail.

   If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and sh!t.

   I'm sick of having to capitalize "I." Whoever made up that rule sucks!