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"I wasn't that drunk." ... "Dude you destroyed my moms garden while yelling, "F**K farmville!" 
I saw some girl texting and driving the other day and it really pissed me off. So I rolled my window down and threw my beer at her.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don't need to dress half nekked to get a man's attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
7 billion people, 14 billion faces.
so vein he probably thinks this status is about him
Obama is like a penny.....2 sided and pretty much worthless
throwing peanuts at old ladies
Dear theist, Atheists don't care who you pray to. Just keep it to yourselves and out of schools and government. =)
I'll take the mormon over the moron.
has 99 problems don't become the 100th one
There is a new strain of Marijuana on the market now. It is called "The Obama". It is very expensive, powerful, and does not do anything
Welcome to the Dark Side,we have..........food stamps.
Biggest lie ever: "I have read the terms of conditions"
N*gger is now the white man's kryptonite
I saw a U.F.O at a football game the other night. It was just hangin there! And then it sent me a message,in big bright shiny letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.
Of all the things I pictured happening to me today, accidentally giving myself a facial while m@turb@ting was no where on that list.
I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.
rated E for everyone.
BREAKING NEWS: Two cars had an accident in Mexico. 40 people died
Happy 11 White History Months 