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I'm going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions. 
I can never remember whether or not I'm supposed to mess with Texas.
They say that licking the back of a frog cures depression. The only problem is that once you stop,the frog gets depressed again.
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine
literally there are some of you I want to hit in the face with a book, oh my god.
Hmmmm....what to do with this remaining roll of black duct tape I have now that Halloween is over?
Trail mix should just sell M&M's
'Tis the season when we buy this year's gift with our next year's money...'
how IRONIC hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words
The best part of waking up . . . is going back to sleep.
Honey, remember to address the dog as "Dr." Scruffy. We didn't pay for eight years of post-grad obedience school for nothing.
I wish jobs had a sick & tired of being sick & tired leave...
Friends who befriend me can't be a friend in the first place now can they.
Thinks it is pathetic that I walk into a restaurant and half the couples are not even talking to each other but texting on their smart phones. Crap, brb, my wife is bugging me about something....
tried snorting coke today, but the ice cubes got stuck in his/her nose!
Streakers beware: Your end is in sight!
waiting for a call last night !! put my phone under my pillow ,woke this morning phone gone 50p in its place ,, chuffin blue tooth fairy !!!
my friends here on FB keep poking me and I like it (mood= naughty)
"I'ts raining outside and I love the sound".
I don't know what to do now that we're apart; I don't know how to live without the other half of my heart...... 