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Heaven is Where: the Police are British, the Chefs are Italian, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers are French and it's all organized by the Swiss. 
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Boy says to girl; "have you ever had a Australian kiss?" Girl says; "whats that?" Boy says; "it's like a french kiss, but down undaa."
The Beastie Boy's song, Paul Revere, is more historically accurate than what Sara Palin said about him.
was playing "FARMVILLE" when immigration showed up and took all my workers ! ! ! !
Casey Anthony and OJ Simpson are having a party tonight. Bring your duct tape and gloves for a killer time.
Next Easter falls on 4/20. If that's not a sign from God that weed should be legalized, I don't know what is.
Saw my ex walking down the street. Where's Tony Stewart when you need him??
if you live in America, you have to read and speak English.. otherwise you better just be visiting."
I like my girls how I like my cheese: Fat free American singles
Blonde: "What do OMG, IDK, IDC, and GTG mean?? Brunette: Oh my God, I don't know, I don't care, and got to go" Blonde: Well, that's a bit rude fine bye
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil..
Why didn't Lebron James go to college? Because he didn't want to show up for the finals.
So what are you going to do with the $2500 you are going to save on insurance due to Obamacare?
“I love Christmas lights. They remind me of the people who voted for Hillary. They all hang together; half of them don't work, and the ones that do, aren't that bright.
When blakcs stop shooting each other by the thousands, I'll start worrying about the cops shooting two.
Let's talk about Potassium.........K?
Attention friends who don't understand humor,,, please do not attempt to reply to the posts of us who have humorous whit,,,, it's beyond your skill level.
Oatmeal is only good for the first 8 bites...then you start playing with it. 