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A friend took Ambien to help her sleep. She had the side effect of doing things without realizing it. She ate an entire blueberry pie and didn't know it. Now I don't know about you, but if I eat an entire blueberry pie, I wanna know it. 
One time I used essential oils and after 7-10 days my cold was gone, it was incredible.
Thousands of Clown sightings all across the Nation, The candidates running for President. Yes, this is clearly and definitely ... The Year of the Clown.
Ariana Grande's body is 60 percent water and 40 percent ponytail.
Try to repeal the19th amendment and we'll pass the 28th amendment where you have to eat all our pussies before you can buy beer.
My wife’s leaving me as I’m too controlling. It’s ok though, I’m not letting her.
The early bird gets the worm some coffee because he's nice.
A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
My friend in Quebec is a heavy drinker. In fact he drank Canada Dry
The sheep lives its whole life in fear of the wolf only to be eaten by the shepherd...
Never trust a woman born on her birthday
*My mother inlaw is so old, that she has an autograph copy of the Bible.
I don't care how old I am. If a toy says "Try Me" on it, I'm pushing those buttons...
Not to brag but I walked by a group of guys today and heard one of them say “See? That’s why I’m gay.”
The neighbor is having an open home How long should I stand at my front door naked yelling at birds?
Don't be afraid to cut people off-Lorena Bobbitt
“Can I get a umm...” -every person ever at the drive thru
I used to steal a bunch of digestion meds as a kid and all the cvs’s around town had a wanted sign calling me klepto bismol
I asked the lead singer of Hall & Oates to name one of his favorite bands. He said, "KISS is on my list."
Need your help Friends.... I'm looking for sponsors to prove that money can't make me happy.....Please send generous donations so I can conduct my experiment! 