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Page: 341 of 5593
I absolutely HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!
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08-28-2011 13:26 by
Marshall the Great
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I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
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06-06-2013 14:03 by
hihuggiehi
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If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. #fail
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02-17-2012 09:21 by
SEAN
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I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
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02-13-2012 13:39 by
Paul wall
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Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
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03-23-2011 19:53 by
@The69Sheriff
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Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music of the internet.
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01-06-2011 13:33 by
Me
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I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
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12-02-2012 03:40 by
hihuggiehi
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My bed is a magical place where I can suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
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11-25-2012 21:49 by
BEGO
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If I don't mention you, then the status wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace it up and wear it.
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01-14-2013 02:04 by
@zubindalal1
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My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the drain is clogged again."
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02-09-2013 12:48 by
Marshall the Great
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Dear Egyptians, please chill the f**k out while we consult our groundhog for advice.
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02-02-2011 14:21 by
Aaron
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A homeless man comes up to asking for change,I say"change comes from within" he looked stunned.
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07-17-2011 19:38 by
RUDEDOG
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All I heard was, "I swear it'll be funny"... Then we were in jail.
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07-22-2011 14:23 by
SuthernFukr
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I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn't speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
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09-18-2011 11:54
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I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
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09-23-2011 15:49
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Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
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07-11-2012 17:28 by
Jackoo
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1
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Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce. During this difficult time, the Kardashian family requests as much attention as possible.
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10-31-2011 15:32
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Who designed the pants with the word pink on the back? It should be on the front, and the back should say brown.
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01-26-2011 06:52 by
Will
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thinks it's only a weak soul that walks towards Alchohol as a 'solution' when the going gets tough. Not me though - I sprint towards it....
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02-26-2010 08:48 by
samdave69
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Have you ever noticed that Gatorade doesn't work on guys who suck?
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03-17-2010 13:40 by
Samir Momin
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1
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