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My girl is a serial over-reactor. You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can't go in the kitchen alone anymore. 
Welcome to April! The month when nobody watches "Harlem Shakes Videos" anymore... so, why is the song on the Hot 100 spot of Billboard?
Rumors are a lot like buttcheeks because once you spread them, someone's a$$ is about to get hurt.
I havn't heard the word "manhunt" so much since the last gay pride parade
I always get to work late. And since my boss is female, I naturally assume she doesn’t like men who come early.
I wish my grade school teachers could see how much better I've gotten at hardcore spacing out.
White w omen with weaves seriously worry me!
If I ever get pulled over again, I am gonna sing the "Like a good neighbor State Farm is there" song and wave both hands at the police officer like I am doing a magic trick.
I bet Jay Leno is amazing at putting on pillow cases & folding blankets.
Brent Musburger thinks Manti Te'o's girlfriend is hot!
I am the kind of guy who brings a gun to a pillow fight.
I turned my "Panic room" into a "Hispanic room" so that I have a place to wear my sombrero without being ridiculed.
When I said I'd do anything for you I meant fight bad guys or slay dragons...not vacuum or do the dishes.
People usually ask me why I don't have any tattoos, I asked them " would you put a bumper sticker on your Ferrari ?
My husband and dog are a lot alike. They both want what I’m eating and get startled awake by their own farts.
cant fool us you swamp rat below, go vote for Bernie and let the rest of intelligent people post
Yo, idiot below! So we were wrong about that, stop rubbing it in all the God damn time! This is why we hate the libs, they can never let things go!
Climate control advise from a bar tender and a 16 year old with issues
Why is Collin Kaepernick so angry? You would be too if God had put pubic hair on top of your head.
The only problem with Chris Christie closing the beach to everyone but himself... Not enough people there to push him back into the water. 