lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   ..lost £50 on the Super Bowl. That's the last time I bet on a horse.

   If Polygram records,Warner Bros,and Keebler merged would the company be called Poly-Warner-Cracker?

   I was asked if i'd volunteer for Comic Relief at work. All i'd have to do is wear funny clothes,answer the phone,write a few notes,chat and joke with others and eat junk food. Of course I said "Yes". Who wouldnt want to be like their boss for just one day

   Hangovers: the wrath of grapes.

   Sex,Drugs & Sausage Rolls.

   If God meant me to be naked, he would have made my skin fit better.

   ..what makes Monday mornings so tolerable is my favourite mug filled with coffee and familiar faces filled with gossip..

   This status was sent from inside the Channel Tunnel. Try that on your precious iPhones.

   Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

   Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

   You don't have to be good at anagrams to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.

   Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar. It ws tense.

   ..oh dear. Some special ed class somewhere is missing a student..

   Did you hear about the gay dwarf? He came out of the cupboard.

   Get away from me! What am i? Flypaper for freaks?

   My cosmetic surgery might have gone wrong but I'm smiling on the inside.

   Don't reach for the stars. You'll just look like a idiot stretching for no reason.

   ..is working on her bad intentions since the road to Hell is paved with good ones.

   God created man before woman... but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

   I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache." "It's a migraine," he explained. "No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"